Thanksgiving Leftovers: Om to the Nom

Who needs to write about Thanksgiving recipes? All anyone ever cares about are the leftovers! Here’s a guide to properly nom on the holiday afterthoughts on any given day.

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6:30 am

Single piece of pumpkin pie with Life cereal.

7:00

Pack a turkey, ham, and stuffing sandwich and sugar cookies.

11:00

Nibble on sugar cookies while making calls (maybe share with Ernesto in the cubicle directly in front of you).

12:00pm

Open up your packed lunch and set the microwave to waft (oh yeah, let the whole office smell your Turkey Day!).

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3:00

Find a hidden sugar cookie in the bottom of your bag. Look around to see if anyone is watching. Eat it.

6:30pm

Fill your dinner plate with collard greens, turkey, stuffing, ham, mac n’ cheese, and sweet potato souffle.

7:00pm

Hit the pie, ice cream (picecream), cookies and milk.

11:00pm

Food coma

6:30am

Repeat

One final note. Just make sure you do this for the next month until Christmas. This is your training for the next holiday when you’ll inevitably stuff you face once again. It’s part of the winter holiday season, which is the culmination of another year that completes the annual ebb and flow of the American waistline:

Eat like a fat-ass until New Year’s and then work it off to prepare for the summer.

Come on people, we’re in a recession! These gyms aren’t going to make a profit by themselves.

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